Commitment phobia: a bliss or a curse?
While waiting to be seated in an overcrowded local restaurant during lunch today, me and my colleague witnessed a conversation (one-sided) between the couple behind us.
He: (whining) Do I have to make my decision now?
She: (looks at him with raised eyebrows with her eyes screaming out a resounding DUHH)
He: Why can't we wait though? We haven't even been together that long.
She: Eight years, Jeff, eight. It's about time. (looks away to avoid his piteous facial expression)
He: (lets out a helpless sigh) ... but I am not ready yet.
She: (looks back at him with a blank expression on her face)
He: No, baby, listen .. I love you more than anything ... but it's too early for me to decide. Do I really have to?
She: (smiles sadly to herself, lowers her eyes, and shakes her head as if to say a "no")
The idiot (yep, idiot) took it as a no too.
His happiness knew no bounds. He thanked her profusely, hugged her, went to the extent of kissing her, and she smiled ... the same sad smile. Yep, she had given up on him ... and the fool was clueless. hmm sad ... sad indeed.
That, my friends, is a classic example of a commitment-phobic-lova who is blissfully unaware of the traumatic condition he is suffering from! P (my often-quoted buddy), when talking about girls, says that the worst kind to associate with in a romantic liaison is the type who thinks she is high maintenance but is, in fact, low maintenance. Today, after enough research material to back my claim up, I hereby declare (sorry P) that the worst kind of man/woman to associate with in a romantic liaison is the type who thinks that he/she can commit to a relationship whilst the truth is that he/she can't, and the most unfortunate part of the situation is that he/she is almost always unaware of the truth. These types would live up to any expectations that you set of them. They would literally bring down the stars for you if you want. They would paint a picture so perfect that you can't help but get reeled in. They make you feel loved. They care about you. They express concern. They are there for you when you need them ... but it's when you need them the most ... when you need them to commit to you for a lifetime, they faint into a coma. The sad part being that they don't do it on purpose. They are not the malicious kind. They are just poor ignorant beings who subconsciously tend to evade the repurcussions 'love' brings along.
I don't feel any contempt for them ... just sympathy ...
... and, sometimes, a 'sad smile' makes an appearance on my face too.
WAIT! Am I one of 'em too? ........................... and, thus, R went back to the thinkin board. :/
He: (whining) Do I have to make my decision now?
She: (looks at him with raised eyebrows with her eyes screaming out a resounding DUHH)
He: Why can't we wait though? We haven't even been together that long.
She: Eight years, Jeff, eight. It's about time. (looks away to avoid his piteous facial expression)
He: (lets out a helpless sigh) ... but I am not ready yet.
She: (looks back at him with a blank expression on her face)
He: No, baby, listen .. I love you more than anything ... but it's too early for me to decide. Do I really have to?
She: (smiles sadly to herself, lowers her eyes, and shakes her head as if to say a "no")
The idiot (yep, idiot) took it as a no too.
His happiness knew no bounds. He thanked her profusely, hugged her, went to the extent of kissing her, and she smiled ... the same sad smile. Yep, she had given up on him ... and the fool was clueless. hmm sad ... sad indeed.
That, my friends, is a classic example of a commitment-phobic-lova who is blissfully unaware of the traumatic condition he is suffering from! P (my often-quoted buddy), when talking about girls, says that the worst kind to associate with in a romantic liaison is the type who thinks she is high maintenance but is, in fact, low maintenance. Today, after enough research material to back my claim up, I hereby declare (sorry P) that the worst kind of man/woman to associate with in a romantic liaison is the type who thinks that he/she can commit to a relationship whilst the truth is that he/she can't, and the most unfortunate part of the situation is that he/she is almost always unaware of the truth. These types would live up to any expectations that you set of them. They would literally bring down the stars for you if you want. They would paint a picture so perfect that you can't help but get reeled in. They make you feel loved. They care about you. They express concern. They are there for you when you need them ... but it's when you need them the most ... when you need them to commit to you for a lifetime, they faint into a coma. The sad part being that they don't do it on purpose. They are not the malicious kind. They are just poor ignorant beings who subconsciously tend to evade the repurcussions 'love' brings along.
I don't feel any contempt for them ... just sympathy ...
... and, sometimes, a 'sad smile' makes an appearance on my face too.
WAIT! Am I one of 'em too? ........................... and, thus, R went back to the thinkin board. :/
posted by R R at
9:40 PM
4 Comments:
commitment and dependency go hand in hand? thinking ??
By
Enigma, at 6:09 AM
perhaps that is the case ...
but i think commitment goes hand in hand with strength instead. by strength i mean the ability to let your loved one be dependent on you if need be ... so i guess commitment and someone's dependency on you (if need be) go hand in hand. only a strong person can commit the way commitment should be without being overly clingy (dependent).
commitment, to me, is letting go of one's own self and making the other person in the r/ship more imp than yerself ... and that, yep I agree, requires a lot of strength.
when someone doesn't commit, it's sometimes the fear of not being able to take care of the other person ... but in the case of the folks written above, (including myself a few moons ago) it is not knowing one's own self enough to know what one wants is what does the trick. when you are in that situation where you don't know what the heck u want out of life, you tend to be superficial and do things that appease you in the short term. commitment surely doesn't fall in the 'short term' plan of things. hence, when faced with a long term decision, people as such buckle in and can't face up to it.
are they weak? was i/am i weak? yep. i feared making a wrong decision. that's cuz i wasn't clear in my head as to what i wanted/needed to live on. so i ran away from everything in the name of a relationship. now, i hope, i do hve a certain idea and i am open to committing much more than i was a year ago.
committing to someone you love with him/her loving you back does not make one dependent ... rather, i believe, it makes you more independent. it guarantees you the social support that you will constantly get if you choose the right person to be with ... and of course, who among us doesnt need that support to succeed? we need someone behind us telling that it's all ok for us to work towards anything. we need to have a good personal life to do extraordinarily well in professional. unfortunately, that, again, is idealistic. rarely do we see such a committed relationship.
hmm i am rambling.
but yeh thats what i mean ... to sum up, dependency in a commitment is clingy! so nah, i dont think they go hand in hand .... but, like i said, strength to have someone depend on you does run parallel with commitment.
comments/criticisms/love? :p
roopie
By
r r, at 9:59 AM
That bugger was a weak guy indeed.
Schmuck
By
Anonymous, at 9:17 AM
sarcasm has never done anyone any good.
but if you still insist, schmuck it is!
By
r r, at 9:34 AM
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