Emotional ...... what?

Over lettuce wraps and plates of linguini, she said to me, "I don't need a man to survive financially but I do need one for emotional security". This is my friend M who I speak of, and it's definitely not the first time that I'd run into the dreaded ES - Emotional Security -, which, I believe, can also be rewritten as ED, Emotional Dependence.

I've had the chance to be acquainted with many 'new age independent' women. All of them are well-paid professionals who are excelling in their careers, and earn enough money to feed a family of five and still save plenty for a rainy day (pardon the cliche) ... but whenever I've had a chance to converse with either one of them in regards to marriage and/or commitment to a relationship, I have been reintroduced to the term ES, Emotional Security, repeatedly. I never did react ever before but this time around, I guess I'd had enough and I ended up lecturing M on why I am bothered with such lavish usage of ES.

An independent woman, to me, is one who is not only independent in terms of finances but also independent enough to take care of herself on a mental as well as an emotional level. Seeking emotional security from someone else is to seek emotional dependence on someone. Why would you want to do that? Aren't relationships about sharing and growing together instead of dragging each other down with emotional baggage? I don't need a man at home for me to unload my worries from work on. Yeh, I'll share with him what bothers me and work together with him to reach a resolution ... but to unload my worries on him and expect him to be there for me emotionally at all times is certainly not my cup of tea. If I say that I can take care of myself, I would mean it in every sense ... not just monetarily. That, to me, is independence in its truest form. When independence as such is achieved, expectations are not formed (so I believe) and having no expectations eventually results in a stronger relationship. Logical enough?

To rephrase "emotional security", I'd say that I want a man who I can share my "emotions" with without any set expectations of him reacting a certain way to appease me or make me feel secure. I don't need him to make me feel secure about how I feel about myself but I do need him to be my partner to assist me in resolving the emotions I feel are misplaced per se. That necessarily is not "emotional security", is it? It is more of emotional sharing ;). So, yes, all ye' indpendent women, today, I coin a new term for y'all to use ... Emotional Sharing ... initials are still the same ... not too much of a change hehe .... but yes, 'pliss to' refrain from using Emotional Security ... dependence certainly aint becoming on an independent woman. ;)